Earlier this fall I was at my son’s soccer game and ran into the mom of another player on the team. We’ve known each other many years and I’ve always really enjoyed being around her. We typically run into each other at soccer games, like this day, or on the playground with kids. Each time we see each other we comment that we should make plans to get together. We haven’t been good about doing that so far.
On this sunny, warm, early fall day we had a very meaningful conversation that has really stuck with me. She shared with me that she finds it really difficult to nurture meaningful relationships. She feels so busy with work, kids activities and family life that, even with good intentions, she feels unable to make the connections she so wants in her life. We talked about how hard it is to find time, but also the feeling of being alone in a crowd.
So many of have busy lives. Our to-do list feels never-ending and most days we feel accomplished if we just complete the essentials. We also come across lots of different people. We see people at work, at volunteer activities, at the gym, at the park or soccer game. We come across people all day long that we might want to connect with, but we are too often on autopilot. We don’t slow down enough to explore or be curious enough to see if it’s a relationship we want to nurture and develop. To complicate matters even more, we are spending more and more time in the virtual space of social media. This gives the illusion of connection, but often leads to people feeling more isolated.
All of this leads us to that feeling of loneliness, despite being around people or “talking” with people online. Belonging is right below physical requirements for living and safety on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. We are hard-wired to love and be loved. Without love and belonging we find ourselves struggling with depression, anxiety or low self-esteem. It’s no coincidence that social isolation or withdrawal is one of the criteria for many mental health issues.
Connection is something that feeds us. Strong, healthy relationships are one of the most central and rewarding parts of our lives. We all need it and want it, often more than we have it. Prioritizing connection, and making space for important relationships is key to our sense of satisfaction in life.
I’m happy to report that I did reach out to that friend. We had a lovely time together and I am looking forward to what’s to come in this new friendship.
Stay tuned for tips for building more connection.
